


Mac said no...

by ellie_xxx



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:44:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6716719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_xxx/pseuds/ellie_xxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if MacKenzie said no when Will proposed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Out of nowhere, he knew that she was the one. For so long he had been trying to run away, never quite succeeding but always hoping that one day he would escape the pain. But then he realised that the only way to stop the hurt was to accept the love for her that was consuming his very being. He could tell her, he could fix this. He would fix this.

Charging down the hallways, he searched for her. With each moment that passed he grew more and more desperate, the plan in his head seemed more and more achievable the more he thought it through. Frantically, he shouted for her, turning to see her at the desk. This was it, this was the turning point for them. Never before had he been this nervous. Instead of shaking in pain, his knees were weak with apprehension. Why was he so frightened? She would say yes. She had to say yes. She loved him.

Didn't she?

Moving away from the cameras, he turned to her and told a story, of a child who kept shredding paper. He meant for the child to be him, and the paper he was shredding was the delicate bond between him and MacKenzie. She was confused, he understood that. Her confusion became vocal when he told her she loved him, so he carried on. Promising eternal love and protection from pain and suffering. Tears were streaming down her face, but he was frozen still. This was supposed to happen wasn't it- the woman always cried in the movies. But this was different, there was no smile- instead just a painfully evident sorrow. Her face crumbled before him. There was no happiness, no hug, no squeal of joy that he had been expecting, craving. 

That was when he heard the words that would haunt him forever, 

"I am sorry Will, I can't, I just can't."

The sound of heels echoed through the small room as she ran out, probably to drink away whatever this was with Sloan. For a long time he just sat there, ring in hand, still on his knees. Time froze until Charlie came in with a bottle of Borbon and two glasses. That was when it really hit him, and he broke in two. She said no. The love of his life, the one he thought he would be with forever, said no. He had fired him, she would never come near him again- and it was his fault. This was all his fault. How could he have messed this up so badly.

Numbly, he stumbled home, drowning his pain in alcohol and cigarettes until he could no longer feel anything. Just before he passed out, he got a text from her.

'We need to talk, you shocked me and I panicked. It is not that I am saying yes, but maybe I won't be saying no either.

Mac x'


	2. Mac's Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time we hear what Mac thinks, and maybe, just maybe the future doesn't seem so bad for the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the start of this not really expecting anyone to read it, but after reading some great feedback I decided to carry the story on asap.

The entirety of the election coverage had been a blur of facts, opinions, and numbers she didn't understand. Sloan had been talking about some kind of complex ratio of economic standing to vote choice- as someone who had to count on her fingers still, that really wasn't appreciated. She hadn't had a good nights sleep since she came back from the war coverage. Anxiety had taken over her, constant nightmares and panic attacks plaguing her very existence. Somehow, she had managed to get this far- but she couldn't continue. That is why she asked Will to fire her, why she spent so long ensuring he would. After Genoa, there had to be change. Getting rid of Will or Charlie would be impossible, Leona liked them too much. But she could go, and she would. Even if leaving Will would break her heart.

For so long, she had tried desperately to re-kindle their relationship. After six years you would think that he would have forgiven her. To his credit, she thinks the hope that one day they would be able to accept each other again was the only reason she had kept going so long. In the last month or so, when Will had started being nicer to her, the panic attacks had slowed, the occasional (but certainly not all) of the nightmares did stop. But it had to end. It was obvious that nothing serious was going to happen between them, not really. Mac was just his shouting post, someone to go to when his line up of other girlfriends didn't want to deal with him. For a while, she didn't mind this, but now she had to leave she saw through that little act.

Even in the control room, somewhere she normally felt so secure and confident, anxiety threatened to take over as she wondered what would come about of her future. What would she do now? Would she get a job? Would anyone miss her? Would Will miss her? Chocking back those last thoughts, she left the control room as soon as they cut to break, desperate to get out of there. Sitting in a small room on the side, she moved away from sight and cried, hugging her knees to her chest. No-one could see her like this, especially not Will, then he wouldn't fire her. After about five minutes, she composed herself again, ensuring there was no evidence of what just happened. She had seven minutes left, so she decided to spend it reading, working as a distraction. 

That was when Will came charging through the door, taking her to the spot she was in just seconds ago. He looked terrified, what had happened? Had something stopped him from firing her? She had to leave, he didn't understand it, but she couldn't live with herself if she was the reason that his ratings continued to go down- not after what happened last time. That was when he started talking, blurting out some story about a kid going to doctors. If he was implying for one second that they could fix the damage to the newsroom, and she could stay, she was going to lose it with him. But that couldn't be it, surely. He understood as much as she did that there had to be changes made around here. 

Then the words 'I love you, and I want you to marry me' echoed through the small room.

Everything else he said wasn't noted by her brain. She was so confused, just weeks (or even hours) ago, he hadn't forgiven her for Brian. They hadn't talked about any of this, and he was asking her to marry him. What if it was a joke, just like the ring? Would she find out that actually this was all just a new way for Will to be amused outside all of the arguing that continued to break her down. This couldn't be real, and she had to leave. There was no other way and Will was trying to stop her. She had to move on now, away from the show in order to save the thing, and the man, she loved the most. 

So she said no. And then she realised that he meant it. Even through the tears that had started to stream down her face, she could see that his face had crumpled just like hers. For a few moments, she just stayed there. But then she packed her bag up, hailed a taxi, and went home, leaving a very nervous Jim in charge of the rest of the broadcast. Refusing to let her brain replay what happened, she busied herself until there was nothing else to do. No work left, no letters to write, no housework to do. That was when it hit her. How could she have been so stupid? Anger and fear had taken over her in a moment of weakness, and she had done something she knew she would regret forever.

For the second time, she had ruined her chance at a perfect relationship with the man she loved above all others.

The thought made her legs weak, and for the second time this evening she collapsed to the floor. Panic overtook her other emotions, no amount of Zanax would get rid of the anxiety attack that followed. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't stop the pain. There was a knocking at the door, but she couldn't move or speak to answer. Her brain was screaming for oxygen, but she was too panicked to get her lungs to comply. That was when she heard Will's voice, announcing he was coming inside. Burying her head, so he wouldn't see her like this, she remembered the text she sent him in a moment of weakness. She hadn't meant for him to come over straight away and talk about it! Could he not see that now wasn't a great moment for her. 

He opened the door and saw her, then ran across and knelt in front of her, wincing from the evident pain in his knees. Lifting her head up to face him, he wiped away the tears and assured her that he was right there, and wouldn't be going anywhere. With her brain screaming at her that the man she thought she had just broken was only ten centimetres from her, his hands firmly on her shoulders, she continued to be over-ruled by the anxiety attack. Will told her to breathe with him, so she did with shaky breaths. Although she had no idea what he was talking about, the constant communication between the two of them helped her to calm down. Eventually, she was back to normal, or at least normal enough. Which was when the next wave of tears came. 

Hugging her into him, Will let Mac cry into his shirt, which probably cost more than her rent. He had done this to her, and she was breaking. For her entire life, she had always tried to be strong, to over come any pain- but look at her now. She could not control any of this, not any more. Neither could the therapists, or the drugs, or any of it. 

Knowing he would ask anyway, she explained where all of this came from. She told him about how being stabbed hadn't just ruined her stomach, but also her mental state. She told him about the PTSD, the drugs, the therapy that she didn't go to either. She told him about the anxiety, about the lack of sleep, about the nightmares. She told him that she went there to die, and instead came out much worse. 

Throughout the entire explanation, Will was silent, she was the only one who had anything to say. When she looked up at him, instead of seeing the laughter in his eyes that she expected (because he had probably thought of some smart ass comment that he thought was genius), she saw tears. And she heard the words,

"This is all my fault, and I am so, so sorry."

Now it was her turn to try and put the other back together. This was not his fault at all, okay a message, or an email would have been amazing whilst she was risking her life to try and punish herself for what she did. And yes, he had hurt her recently, but it was not for no reason. She started all of this, and she was the one who was sorry.

She didn't realise she had said all of it out loud until he told her that they were both sorry, and he loved her, and wasn't that enough. So she had to explain.

"Will, you have to know before I start any of this that I love you too. I said no because I was panicked. I haven't slept properly since, well since forever. Just before you came in, I had broken down. I know that I have to leave the show, but I really don't want to. I don't want you to have some new crappy EP that makes you report when a new celebrity wears the wring style of trousers, but I want to fix Genoa. That was my fault, and so I need to leave and let you guys carry on, I can't live with myself if I am the reason that the ratings plummet, and all of you lose the show. I thought that you proposing was either another joke, or just a final way to try and get me to stay. I still think, no I thought, that you still hated me. I thought that I could never be as good as any of the others, and that one day you would realise that maybe I wasn't as good as you thought and leave. I said no because I didn't think you meant it. 

And then I saw your reaction and I knew I had made a mistake. But there is still a part of me that knows you will never forgive me, knows that whilst I may be an amazing EP I am not even close to the league of which you seem to choose you girlfriends from. I know that I am a mess, and I honestly can't see you, or anyone, staying when you see just how much of a mess I really am."

"Do you really believe all of that. You are not a mess, you are just hurt, and that is my fault. I will have you know that none of those other women came even close to you, and that I accidentally called about five of them Mac. Me proposing was a surprise, I was a surprise to me. But I realised that the reason I was hurting you wasn't to punish you, but to punish myself. I hated myself for what I kept doing to you, because seeing you hurt hurts me too. I knew that I had made a mistake, and it cost me so much. I couldn't live with myself any more, and seeing you everyday seemed to be making it worse. That was when I realised I could fix it. I forgave you a long time ago, I just was too stupid to realise. I love you, I always have, so I asked you to marry me. Looking back on it, asking you on a date probably would have ended a lot better, but what has been done is in the past now. I never want to hurt you again, and I can't be without you any-more. 

And, Genoa is in no way your fault. We are all reporters for Christ's sake, we should have seen the clock, or better yet, that idiot shouldn't have cut the footage. There is no way that you are leaving, because in case you haven't remembered, I can only fire you on Fridays, and it is Tuesday today."

After that, she really didn't know what to say, so instead she took his hand and started to lead him towards the spare room, hoping more than anything that he would stay. 

"I love you, and yes, I will marry you. Because that is the ring that will do it."

He did stay, and at some point she managed to find her way to his room. She fell asleep all night, for the first time in what seemed like forever there were no nightmares. His arm across her stomach anchored her to sanity, he made her feel safe, and he made her feel loved. This was perfect, they were perfect. 

Maybe they would be okay now, maybe everything would be okay now. 

In the morning, she woke to find her bed empty, a window broken, and a note on her bed.

'Miss McHale, should you wish to keep Mr MacAvoy safe, I would advise you come to the back of the ACN building in three hours, do not tell anyone else, but do make sure you hurry. I am not sure what you would do if you lost this one again, not after everything you said yesterday.'


	3. A final response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out the entire thing was just another practical joke.

The note that was left for her shook her to her very core. Was will in danger? Had he been abducted? After everything she went through yesterday, she could not cope if everything turned so bad once again. 

Shaking with fear and apprehension, she went to the back of the ACN building, to find her fiance in fits of laughter at the expression on her face. When he realised that she was in fact not laughing at all, he sobered up a bit, but that did not change what he did. This was way too far, it was beyond the ring, beyond any punishment he had given her. This was why she shouldn't have trusted him, why she no longer trusted him.

Yesterday, she had felt sure that she made a decision, the right decision. But once again Will MacAvoy had let her down. And this was to be the last time. So in her anger she gave him back the ring, along with her promise to him. He had caused this, so she felt no guilt. In a way, she had expected this, to be betrayed like this. She ended whatever they had because he could not move on from a mistake she made six years ago, and she could not live with him constantly reminding her of her failures.

It took her a while to recover, but she never went back. Instead, she went to live with her parents in the UK, and got a job there producing for the BBC. A few years later she did marry, not Will, but another man- coincidentally her newsman in the new job. She had three children, and she loved her whole family more than she could have ever loved Will. This was the life that was meant for her, not any life in America.

Every night, she would watch him deliver the news, she would imagine Jim giving him commands, and she would pretend to be interested in whatever Sloan was talking about. Some habits die hard, for Will, the habit that refused to die was being able to truly love her again.


End file.
